Denied

It's Saturday and my friend Miles* has a friend in town from Chicago.  This guy, Jacob*, is really into ice skating and he has a pair of specially made ice skates waiting for him at a store.  He decides that he wants to break them in and me and Miles have nothing better to do so we decide to go with him.

When I was younger I used to go roller skating all the time.  I was pretty good at it.  Ice skating, on the other hand, I've only done once before years ago.  I didn't remember falling though, so I figured that it wouldn't be hard.  Wrong.

We get there and me and Miles look like babies awkwardly taking their first steps.  We were all over the place.  I luckily didn't fall, but I wasn't really going fast enough to fall.  Miles fell a few times and I giggled everytime little girls asked him if he was okay.

I immediately decide that I despise ice skating and that it feels the same way towards me.  Once skating is over I get happy and we get back into our nice sneakers.  I immediately start doing spins, leg lifts, and jumps to display how talented I am on solid ground.

None of us wanted to leave so we decide to start playing some of the games that the ice rink has.  Me and Miles head toward a race car game.  I get in the seat only to find that my machine doesn't work.  Miles' on the other hand works and he plays while I watch with sad eyes.

When Miles is done we decide to play DDR.  We put in some money and start the game only to realize that we didn't put in enough money for two people.  Of couse, Miles' side is the active side.  I get frustrated and head to the vending machines where I know that I will win.  I press the button with a picture of water on it, take it, and walk towards Miles and Jacob yelling, "I won!  I won!"  I take of swig of my prize only to find that it's lemon water.  Ew.  I immediately get angry at my lack of ability to do anything right and go to a game involving guns.  After shooting enough people to feel better about myself we leave. 

On the car ride home Miles decides to piss me off by calling me a failure.  "You can't go to college.  You can't ice skate.  You don't make any money babysitting for your sister.  You failed your road test.  You just fail life."

I'm too pissed to say anything so I let my middle finger do the talking.  After about a minute of holding it up in Miles' direction he tries to put my finger down.  I respond by saying, "Oh, it's staying up for the entire car ride."

After keeping true to my words Miles starts laughing.  "You succeeded at flicking me off."

"Damn straight, fucker."

I'm officially feeling the pain of not going back to State University.

Everyone's IM'ing me and sending me messages asking if I'm moving in this week.  I hate it.  I feel like such a loser when I have to tell them that I'm too poor to go back to school.  What's worse is that I'm missing welcome week, the greatest week of the year.  It's when everyone moves in and the classes haven't started yet so everyone parties all week and into the weekend.  Freshman year kind of sucked because I didn't know anyone.  But this year I'm getting invited to all of these house parties that I can't attend.

I'm going to eat a ton of food and then I'm going to hibernate until next fall. 

I've been struggling with finding things to write about in here.  It's hard because the school year hasn't started yet.  So it's just like summer break.  The reality hasn't hit that I'm not going to State University.  I haven' t even officially unenrolled from the university.  I'm still waiting for Oprah to call me and say, "Girl, I'm going to pay for your tuition."  lol

I think that this year off will be good for me.  I had originally wanted to take a year off after graduation and figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  Instead, I listened to everyone who said, "If you don't go to college after graduation you'll never go."  Maybe they were right.  Maybe I wouldn't have.  That doesn't necessarily mean that I was going to end up working at Burger King for the rest of my life.  I would never let myself do that.  I should have trusted my instincts.  College isn't for everyone.  Maybe I was meant to do something else.  I would have figured it out.

Well, it's a year later and I find myself doing what I had originially planned, just in a different order.  I'm hoping to get a full time job since I have nothing better to do.  I'm also hoping to save money and do some exploring.  Me and my friend are planning a trip for New Years and my birthday.  Depending on how much we can save by then, we're either going to go out of the country or somewhere in the US where we've never been.  I also want to learn how to play the guitar that's been used as a decoration in my room for the past six years.  Maybe I'll throw in some singing lessons and a dance or bartending class.  It depends on how much time, energy, and money I have.

Alright, I'm off to do some exploring on oprah.com.  lol  She's very motivating.

The most obnoxious thing about living back home has to be constantly having to watch my back 24/7.  Some things that I would do openly at State University have to be hidden while living with my dad.  The biggest thing being smoking.  My dad actually walked by while I was smoking and typing this.  I immediately put the ciggarette out and stashed the ashtray.

I am old enough to smoke.  My dad smokes.  And my whole house smells of smoke.  So, you may be wondering why I hide my habit.  It's simply because I don't want my dad knowing that his little girl is a smoker.  I am the youngest in my family and I am trying to maintain my cute, innocent daughter image as long as possible.  I'm sure that that image dissapears as soon as I open my mouth, but nevertheless I don't want my dad to feel like he failed with me.

Another thing that I hide is my potty mouth.  When I'm talking to my friends I curse, a lot.  Especially when quoting my favorite movies or comedians.  Yet, as soon as I feel a curse about to come on I pause, look around, and if the coast is clear I let it out.  If my dad is in hearing range I immediately go outside.  Again, my dad doesn't really care if I swear or not, but I'd rather not in front of him.

Actually, it's not just at home that I'm overly cautious.  I don't like to smoke in public a lot because it makes me feel trashy.  I also tend to edit myself  when in the prescense of elders.  I guess I'm just a little old fashioned that way.

The point of this entry was that it sucks having to be on high alert at my house.  I miss the freedom of smoking and swearing in my dorm where my roomate didn't care what I said and often joined me for a ciggarette. 

I guess it's not so bad.  Being at home does cut down my ciggarette intake which is a good thing.  It also makes me more lady like in my speech.  Maybe I wasn't ready to be on my own.  Maybe I have to work on my character a little more before I go off and show the world who I am.  Maybe I'm overthinking this way too much and my living at home is merely because college tuition is pricey.

Whatever the reason, I hope it works itself out soon so that I can get outta here.

Blogging has become extremely popular lately.  I've always wanted to start a blog worthy of thousands of readers, but I never had an interesting topic to write about.  Until now.

Last year, I attended State University(I will not give the name of the college).  I had been dreaming of going college for years.  A chance to live on my own and not have to hide my R rated escapades from my parents was the most appealing part of it.  Everything was grand.  I got good grades, partied on the weekends, met awesome people, and learned a lot about myself.  I was pretty happy, until...

*cue dramatic music*

I started getting charged for my student loans.  They were technically in my dad's name, but since I said that I would pay for them the money was coming from my pocket.  I thought that I wasn't supposed to get charged until I graduated, but that was not the case. 

When I came home for summer break in May I tried to find alternative loans for the fall semester.  Unfortunately, nothing worked out and now I am being forced to live at home and abandon my studies for the year. 

I've been pretty upset about the whole thing and in my misery I thought that maybe the world would be entertained by my  pathetic life.  lol 

So, I will be blogging about my year in my least favorite place(home) while I watch all of my friends go back to college and move forward with their lives.  I'm sure that my transition back to home life should be interesting to say the least.   I hope that this blog will help me to laugh at my unfortunate situation. 

To quote Garden State, "If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like."